This Life is Like a Movie...

Makapangyarihan daw ang pagmamahal. Kung sa bagay, imbento man o sa tunay na buhay, napakaraming patunay na makapangyarihan talaga ang pagmamahal. Sa Bituing Walang Ningning, tinalikuran ni Dorina Pineda (Sharon Cuneta) ang kasikatan para kay Nico Escobar (Christopher de Leon). Kahit masakit, pinakawalan ni Katie Morosky (Barbra Streisand) si Hubbell Gardiner sa The Way We Were. Nang dahil sa pag-ibig, hinamak ni Annabelle Rama ang lahat, kabilang na ang pang-i-iskandalo sa mga babae ni Eddie Gutierrez, mapasakanya lamang ito. It’s so nice to think about how lovely love is.

However, not all love stories have a happy ending. May mga kagaya din ni Bona (Nora Aunor) na laba-luto-plantsa-linis-masahe-etc. na ang ginawa ay winalangya pa rin ng mahal niya. ‘Yung isa ko namang kaibigan ay pinaaral, binihisan, at halos pinakain na ang buong pamilya ng mahal niya pero iniwan pa rin siya. Kung tayo na ang iniiwan, kaya pa rin kaya nating isipin na maganda ang pagmamahal?

Naisip ko tuloy, bakit nga ba tayo iniiwan (o tayo ang umiiwan) ng taong mahal natin? Dahil ba sa hindi sapat ang pagmamahal na ating ibinibigay (o tinatanggap) o sadyang hindi tayo ang uri ng tao na dapat mahalin?

Hindi ko makuha ang sagot. I don’t think anyone can answer that because love does not have a perfect recipe. Pero hindi ibig sabihin na hindi tayo maaring maghanda. Ako sa sarili ko, may mga bagay akong masusing pinag-aralan kailan lang at pinaghihirapang sundin ngayon bago tumalon sa isang relasyon. Tingnan ninyo. Baka makatulong.

Huwag kang needy. Guilty dito ang maraming bakla.All of us need attention and validation. Kaya naman maraming bakla ang may karelasyon pa ay umiikot-ikot na ang mata katitingin sa iba. Naghahanap ba ng reserba. Akala mo O₂ (oxygen) ang chemical symbol ng lalaki. Parang mamamatay ‘pag nawalan. However, a relationship is not necessary to validate our worth and existence. By ourselves, we have to feel that we are worth something and we deserve to be loved. Love is like respect; you earn it and not ask for it.

Sa isang kurso sa pagsulat sa Ateneo, sinabi sa akin ni Dr. Benilda Santos na kung ang sinusulat ko daw ang repleksyon ng paniniwala ko sa pag-ibig, nakakatakot daw akong magmahal. Napaka-melodramatic at bawat karakter ay kayang magpatiwakal ‘pag nawalan ng pag-ibig. I admit, I always thought I needed men to live. Pero hindi na ngayon. Hindi naman ako mamamatay hangga’t may kaibigan, pamilya, trabaho, at manaka-nakang ‘dilig’ sa aking ‘hardin’. Pero syempre, hangga’t maari, sana dumating din si True Love.

At kung sakaling dadating siya, ipinapangako ko na buo akong papasok sa relasyon. Like I always say to my friends, a relationship is a union of two whole beings and not of two beings needing each other to make their lives whole. ‘Pag dating ko sa relasyon na ‘yun, marami akong maiaambag sa ikabubuti niya at alam kong marami rin akong matututunan mula sa kaniya. Love is nurturing. Love makes us do good things. Love makes us better.

If you know why you love someone, it’s doomed. I fell in love with the same guy for seven years. He earns more than enough, loves traveling, goes to the gym, reads a lot, looks really hot, and, most importantly, more intelligent than I am. Did I love him because of those qualities? No, I did not. At some point in our relationship, he made the most stupid decisions in his life, he refused to join me in my travels, and he stopped reading books and just slouched on the couch watching TV. At his worst, I stood beside him and pulled him through. So even at his worst why did I remain in love with him? I do not know.

My mum told me before, “Anak, you love because you love. You love not because of this and that. You love for no reason. If you love someone because of intelligence, beauty, wealth, or kindness, what will happen if those things go? Paano kung matanda na, ulyanin na, mahirap na? E ‘di hindi mo na mahal? For love to be eternal, it has to be anchored on nothing else but love.”

I asked, “Paano kung sinasaktan ka na o nangangabit na siya?”And my mom gave me the best answer that shielded me from too much pain until this day, “That is why you have to love with all your heart but with great presence of mind. Beating and cheating is not nurturing. Not nurturing is not love. Your mind should be able to tell your heart what it refuses to see. And you have to train your heart to trust your mind and agree.”

Timing is Essential. Mamatay na ang baklang magsasabing ni minsan ay hindi siya naging guilty dito. Karamihan sa atin, makindatan lang o mahalikan lang, matapunan lang ng kaunting atensyon, o ma-sex lang minsan ay payag na agad sa relasyon. Dahil atat na atat tayong magkaroon ng dahilan para palitan ang Facebook relationship status natin from Single to In a Relationship, hindi na natin naiisip kung may paglulugaran ba ang isang relasyon sa lagay ng buhay natin sa panahong dumating ito.

A relationship needs time and shared experiences to grow. However, a career or studies or an ambition need those too. Huwag maging gahaman, isa-isahin ang goals sa buhay. Kalma lang at kakalma din ang universe mo. Kung career ang habol, pagbutihin ang trabaho at ibigay ang lahat para mabilis maabot ang tagumpay. Isunod ang pag-ibig. Kung pag-ibig ang priority, ‘wag naman mag-marakulyo kung pagdating ng sweldo ay kakarampot at tatanggapin mo. Ideally, we strike a balance between love and career. Pero kaya nga ‘ideally’ eh. At sa karanasan ko, less heartache ‘pag nakatingin sa ‘in reality’. Yung mga uma-ideally kasi, madalas namamatay J

No relationship should be born out of someone else’s heartache. In short, huwag makiapid. Huwag malandi. Huwag makati pa sa higad at gabi. Bakit ka magtitis maging querida kung pwede ka namang maging totoong asawa? Bakit ka mang-aagaw ng boyfriend ng iba, tatlo lang ba ang kilala mong lalaki? ‘Yung tatay mo, kuya mo, at ‘yung boyfriend ng iba?  

 As I have said earlier, true love makes us better. Taking someone else’s partner doesn’t make us better. Tantanan din ako sa mga technicality-technicality na ‘yan. May naririnig ako sa banda diyan na umaapela na hinintay naman daw na mag-break muna si pinagnanasahan at partner nito bago ginawang official ang lahat. Ineng, the fact that you caused that break up, you are responsible for it. Kung talagang mahal ninyo ang isa’t-isa, let all wounds heal first before jumping into a relationship. Wait for a year or more. If the feelings would be the same, then you are meant to be together.

Madali lang naman lahat ito gawin. We just need to tame the evil desires within.

Sa totoo lang naman, landi lang naman talaga ang ating kalaban.

Today, I decided to drop all my work to think of you. In my head, I see you waking up on your part of the world and staring outside your window. As I write this letter, I’m throwing glimpses outside the window of my office as well and trying to picture how perfect you look; how perfect we look together. Then we ask ourselves when we will meet each other.

I believe we are only given one chance with our great love. While most people are stupid to let the right one go, I believe I still have not met you. And I know why.

Love indeed moves in mysterious ways and it knows that I am still selfish. I might not notice you when you come because I might be busy looking after my own self. Love knows that I am still superficial and I might end up falling in love with you because of how stunningly good you look and not how intelligent, kind, passionate, loyal, and loving you are. Perhaps love knows that I might drown myself with you when you come because I have waited for you so long. I might lose myself; make my world revolve around you; and choke and send you running away.

I cannot waste more time without you. I cannot waste more lovely mornings waking up without you in my bed. I cannot waste more birthdays not getting a kiss and a gift from you. I cannot waste victorious moments in my life and career not having you there and making you the first person to know about it. And I cannot take any more setbacks in life not having your comforting shoulders and calming words. I just want to be with you now.

I want to see you when I go home each day. I want to see your blue eyes looking at me with so much love when I wake up each morning. I want to pat your head and caress your blond hair on a lazy Sunday afternoon at home. I want to lose myself in your toned arms and well-built body on a cold night. I want to look small and vulnerable beside you because I know you would make me feel that I am your source of strength.

Love and relationship is made by two whole beings coming together to compliment and not to complement. I promise to make myself whole. I vow to make myself ready for you to come.

It’s Valentine’s Day again. We’ve spent too many of it by ourselves or with the wrong partners.

This will be the last. I’ll start planning for our date next year.

I know you would come.